The Quiet Cost of Being “The Strong One”

What over-functioning steals from us, and how to find our way back to self-trust.

Have you ever found yourself carrying more than your share — at work, at home, even in your friendships — without even realizing it?

For years, I wore the role of “the strong one” like a badge of honour. I was the fixer, the smoother of conflicts, the one who kept the wheels turning no matter how chaotic things got.

At work — especially during my years in HR — this ability was rewarded. I could manage crises, hold others’ secrets, keep relationships intact, and ensure the work got done. At home, I was the capable one, the responsible one. In friendships, I was the person with the right words and the practical help, always ready to show up… but rarely letting anyone see when I needed support myself.

It looked like leadership.
It looked like responsibility.
It looked like strength.

But underneath?
I was quietly losing connection to myself.

The Hidden Cost of Over-Functioning

When you’re always “on” for others, something has to give.

Over time, I lost touch with my own desires.
I ignored my body’s signals.
I lived with chronic tension that showed up in my shoulders, my jaw, my back.

Despite the praise for holding everything together, I was invisible in my own life. And yet… I was addicted to the energy of it — the proving, the performing, the protecting.

Over-functioning can feel noble.
But in truth, it’s often a survival strategy — a coping mechanism that once kept us safe but eventually keeps us small.

The Shift Back to Self-Trust

The path back to yourself doesn’t happen all at once.

It begins with small, daily choices. Choosing presence over perfection. Compassion over control. Listening instead of managing.

For me, it meant reconnecting with that younger version of myself — the one who didn’t wait for permission, who trusted her instincts, who didn’t rush to fix someone else’s discomfort before honoring her own truth.

Self-trust isn’t a destination. It’s a practice.
Some days I nail it. Other days, I catch myself slipping back into fixer mode.
But now… I notice. I choose again.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

One thing I’ve learned: we heal best in community.

Spaces where you can:
🌿 Say “no” without guilt — and mean it
🌿 Make space for rest and real self-care
🌿 Get clear on your values, boundaries, and priorities
🌿 Reclaim your power without waiting for permission

When you’re grounded in who you really are, both leadership and life feel fundamentally different.

Listen to the Full Conversation

This week on Unchartered & Unfiltered — A Journey Back to You, I’m sharing my own story — from the little girl who trusted her instincts without hesitation, to the woman who became the ultimate fixer, to the daily practice of coming home to myself.

🎧 Listen to the episode here

It’s a conversation for the ones who are tired of carrying it all and are ready to trust themselves again.

🌿 This Week’s Vibe

Lighter shoulders.
Deeper breaths.
More “no” without guilt, more “yes” without overthinking.

Leaning into the relief that comes from not fixing everything — and discovering that your value was never in how much you could hold, but in how fully you could be yourself.

Your inner compass already knows the way.
The question is — are you ready to listen?

With love and light,
Cynthia